We pulled through and through
Last week one of my best friends from college called me for advise, her five year old son has been diagnosed with ADHD.
Did you medicate? She wanted to know. I replied -no.
Why did you make that choice?
Well, because of a mix of two things. First, I knew it was the right thing to do for us because of all the research I comprised https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9368236/ and second, the feelings I had.
I had taken a class at CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD https://chadd.org) and it pointed me in that direction. That Website has so many golden nuggets of information for parents who are just starting this journey, need information on medications or a good support group. It saved my sanity.
At the time our son was diagnosed, our family was small enough that I could dedicate full time to the needs of Brody, who were a lot!
Thinking back I remember feeling overwhelmed all the time, not only with my son’s behavioral issues, but I was dealing with personal issues. I was longing for another baby and we moved on average every 6 months to a year for 10 years! Thats a lot of moves!
I dealt with a lot of school districts, EIP’s, vaccination exemption documents, speech therapists etc. It was crazy! That added a lot od stress to me and the daily routines I had established for Brody. One of the most Important things I had learned is that children with ADHD thrive on schedule and predictability. They like to know what’s next, but who doesn’t I feel the same way!
When I started this journey I remember being conflicted and not knowing where to start.
I wish I knew what I know now when my son was 5 years old!, he is now 14, I made so many mistakes but also, I have figured out some pretty good stuff.
I guess my dad won’t be disappointed anymore that I never put into practice my law degree because of the research skills I’ve gained throughout the years!
This is the advise Id give any parent starting the journey:
First, I told her that she knows her son at heart and whats best for him and nobody will ever know that better than her. She needs to trust that mother instinct better than anything else, and off course involve prayer if thats part of your life!
Everybody individually has a unique chemistry composition: no approach works equally for everyone.
Nutrition can have great impact on the body: I’ve seen great results when used in conjunction with lifestyle modifications and medication.
There has to be room for learning and flexibility: the most important part is to start and to begin the process, even baby steps.
Get an EIP: we got one for our son and he was in speech therapy for many years. I believe this helped him develop a lot of skills he needed to thrive in school. I love how involved I was in setting up the goals every year. I was able to ask for modifications for him, either for taking tests, clarifications for homework or classroom modifications (to avoid distraction).
Get involved in the classroom: I believe that the more we are involved in our kids lives the more they’ll trust us.
Sports: getting your child involved on a sport or musical instrument is a great way to focus his energy and help him develop his talents and abilities.
Get on a support group: virtual or in person. This was such a life changer for me! Being able to visit with other parents weekly who had children in similar situations always opened my mind and helped me gain appreciation for my life and my son.
Self care: remember you cant give if you don't have anything to give.Exhaustion is a very common symptom of motherhood, lets be honest. Long caregiving hours and mental exhaustion can make anyone feel depleted. Is important to make oneself a priority, nutrition, exercise, and spiritual or mental wellbeing is as important in your child as it is in yourself.
Screentime: I discovered that screentime limitations worked well for my son, I noticed behavioral changes when I limited his screen time use.
This is your journey: you can always change, modify, combine or discover new ways of doing things. Be flexible.
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